The Dialog with Myself

I've already written that what I want to change in myself. Surely it's not easily to change myself (at least for me). And I think that to put off bad habit may I need to have split personality in some way. And one of that personalities must say "That is bad, don't do it" when it is needed. May be this should be something like fight between good and evil, though I'm not sured that someone in me is really good or evil. May be both of them should help each other. There must be a dialog inside of person, dialog with himself. But how to speak with myself? The most obvious way for is to have to "Me's". May be this a psycho disease? But to learn on fault your need to have someone who will point on them, and nobody as you can now what you do and why you do.

What I Don't Like in Myself

There are some thing that I do not like in myself. Often I'm not tolerant to others in relations with other people. I sometimes behave too angry towards people around me. And moreover I'm took weak physically, especially in strength of arms.

What do I do to surpass these problems of my nature? Firstly, to become stronger I try to do everyday exercise with weights. And I think that gave me some positive result in strength of arms. However I have some problems with strength of will in aspect of physical exercises : in fact I don't do them everyday but usually one time in two or three days. That's not good. And I still continue to make them regularly everyday. Now that's not a problem of physical strength but of strength of will above laziness.

Furthermore how do I improve my tolerance to others? That's far more difficult question than just physical strength. I think the reason for angriness toward others is in some way linked to my warlike character and to that I think there are some traits in people which couldn't be tolerated. About this I'll try to write in future. And now I have to say, that I try, really try to tolerate other people while they act in way I do not like. Sometimes I say them, that I don't like what they do, and wait whether my word will have any effect. And I keep waiting for good changes. But sometimes... behavior of one goes beyond borders which as I think are acceptable.
Or I'm just tired of them and can't keep dam of my patience. So then comes something that is like affect: I'm very-very-very angry and behave in a way I don't like after that.

So what to do? I think, just try to understand others imperfection, accept them as they are (but may be not accept their bad traits?). It is better to have a war with own bad traits than with others', it is easier to make better yourself, than the others, but others sometimes need help to become better.

What I've done and haven't done

Firstly, I had written this post to my software blog, but then I've decided that it isn't software-specific and should be posted here. However I'm too lazy to revise it and remove "programmisms" from beginning part.

It is useful sometimes to take a pause and look at what you wanted to make some time ago, what you have done, what you are doing, what's the progress on it and what you want to do.

What I've wanted and what's the result?

• I've wanted to pass all these labs in different subjects. Success.
• Successfully finish study at courses of databases. Success.
• Daily read news from internet. Successful in whole, thought I've sacrificed some news-feeds because it is too hard to read 'em all. Success (may be not full, not sure)
• Regularly write to my blog (now I have two blogs). Not very good results: I don't write much to them. Thought I haven't dropped and forgotten them, so Partial Success.
• I've wanted to read a lot of books. From those in list I've read only "Code Complete". But I've read two another books: about C# and "Pragmatic programmer" (Aahh, I haven't written about that! Need to fix that in near future!). And now I'm reading "Design Patterns". And I really want to read any book about UML. Result: All in all I think that's a success, however not following first plan.
• Write some software to practice. During summer I worked on Egnoly text editor. And now I continue to work with .NET Framework, have some projects in mind and write some code for libraries on C#. Success, not 100% but about 90%... :) Or I'm not objective and too love myself??? May be...
• I still haven't got a girlfriend. It isn't programming of course but has an effect on mind and mental condition.
• I still have got chaos on shelves I don't use regularly. Terrible, but there is a relative order on my desk :)
• I haven't made my programming language. May be I'm too young for that. But this idea still in my head and don't want to go away, instead it becomes stronger and stronger after reading Pragmatic Programmer.
• I wanted to use Test-Driven Development, nut still don't use it actively. However I regularly try to write tests for my applications. And they give the result! So I think that's a matter of time. May be I'll not become a TDD programmer, but the one who actively and properly uses tests. Result: 40% of Success.
• I've taught myself to actively use scheduling. Now I use not a calendar but a Todoist and I often don't follow it but I've already have a place where my wishes and plans on this day are written.
  
• Something more that a achieved and haven't achieved. Couldn't remember all of them.

What I'm doing by now?

• Studying
• Writing some soft on C#, not very useful, but some practice
• Also reading Design Patterns: useful book, sure I'll write review about it!
• Participating in open source project Battle for Wesnoth as a translator.
  

What I want?

• Make such list and judgement of results rather regular.
• Follow schedule that I'm making for myself. And make this schedule more wisely and realistic!
• Develop my relations with human beings :). I don't want to communicate only with computers.
  
• Still want to make scripting programming language.
• Write software on C#: develop Egnoly, common stuff for .NET, and something new, i.e. tool to synchronise my desktop PC and laptop.
• Study well in university.
• Continue and develop my participation in OSS projects. May soon I'll be able to contribute to Wesnoth as a programmer? Or contribute to another project either as a programmer or translator.
• Start project with my fellows. There is no concrete plans on it, now it's a long-distance target.

And again: I want to make this list more clear. At least more clear for me :) And update it regularly.

[Update] Add target to communicate more with people. Just forgot about it :(.

Some free time coming?

It's the end of September and I'm rising my study activity. On last Saturday I've passed two laboratory works in programming and today I've passed one work in physics. Badly only for 4 points from 5. But that was a result of that I didn't remember one formula, so I'll try in future to understand information better.

Also I've finished reading book "Pragmatic programmer". I think the next book will be "Design Patterns". It content looks rather good and was mentioned some times in PP.

Also at these days I'm collecting some medical documents for me to be approved as unsuitable to serve in Russian Army. It's makes some problems because I need to visit a lot of organizations only to be sent to organization of lower level.


Thought, I hope in close time I'll finally could make me give myself more free time from university study. Apparently writing this post is a result of that intention. :-)

Big targets and small details

On the last week I saw a part from cartoon film series "Samurai Jack". In that part main hero lost his shoes. He wanted to punish bad guys who broke his shoes but couldn't because he felt uncomfortable without his wooden sandals. He tried different contemporary shoes but he didn't felt good in them and couldn't beat enemies. After all he found a man who made him new pair pf sandals. After that hero beat his enemies.

I think there is a couple of themes to discuss that can be extracted from this film, but I want to mention only one: the importance of small details. No, I don't want to say that big picture is useless and we should concentrate on small details, but inattention to such a small piece of stuff like shoes could break any great plan!

So what to do? How to organize small routines with big plans? How to make them fit together?

As a programmer I could give only one advise: divide and conquer. What's your shoes? It's your equipment as pen, suit and computer. It's not your target activity. You pay attention to your equipment not because they exist, but because they are mean to your target. If your main target is to have pretty shoes and the most advanced computer in the world it's not very good as I think. Main target should produce something or it should be cast out. For what to do something without using it's production?

So in fact only main targets and productive activities make sense. But they are made of smaller pieces which also could be divided on parts. So then you state new task your should understand that "write new computer application" is not a something that make a computer application. It's a bundle for activities that make something, what form new a computer application. You shoes couldn't make a computer application? but they allow you to go on the street without problems and make computer application instead of healing your legs. So is with many different things in your life. That's a stuff that is made on "auto-pilot", without deep thoughts on it meaning. But if over-focus your attention on drawing "great plans" you could fail because of small detail, that you have forgotten...

Forgive my strange linguistic construction and lack of relation between phrases... Just my thoughts...

A few words after long silence

Do you hear it? It is silence. Silence of time when I didn't wrote anything here. Now I again make some buzz in the blog.

I continue to read book "Code Complete". Good book. I get some new knowledge from there I more structured appearance of information I've already know. I think soon I'll try to use this knowledge in programming.

What is more I started to develop CodeExplorer — application to create documentation for source files. For example make description of class interface. I write it on Python, though in future may be I will rewrite it on other language.

Moreover I have in my head project of developing computer language! Optimistic idea, I have to say. Now I couldn't give time for it — still in war with arranging of time. However I try to use Scrybe.

And some piece of wisdom — just switch on your head!

Another day

This is a respond to the last article: what I've done today (or yesterday in some terms :-).

• of course had a classes in university. Moreover I've done some homework
  
• read a lot of news, also from the Monday
• bought a new book: "Code complete, Second Edition" by Steve McConnell. A heard good feedback on this book so I've decided to buy it.
  

What came from last week?

Good news: I passed 2nd lab on programming, created a program for 3rd lab, and now working on report for it. Another series of nights with a small amount of slumber :-(. Moreover I passed 4th lab on engineering graphics.

Furthermore I have one history for you: one of my friends reads book. Some time ago I asked her about that book, its author and content. She answered that she is only in the middle of book. After that I asked when she will finish reading. She answered that now she has a little time, so will read it during her spring holidays. So holidays came and on Wednesday I again asked about book, but she still hasn't continued to read :-(. Now scholar holidays are coming to the end, and I again will give her my question. Interestingly what will be the answer?

While we live we always have some passions and often we say that "we haven't enough time but then we will have holidays or finish some important work and will have free time to realize our passion". But time is flowing, and we still haven't enough time because some other duties are coming to us... And as a result our passion becomes a dream that will be never executed.

And now I'm publishing a diagram with some my passions. It's rather rough by now, but it may be publishing it will give me impulse to make clearer? Hope in this. The higher is branch on diagram the more it is long-term. And in the bottom you can find some short-term activities: i.e. laboratory works.

Next big step — Programming lab #3

Now I'm working on next lab on programming. It is much harder than previous and as I think report will also be much harder to write. What is more I need to make this lab until April 5 to pretend on 5 in programming. Another series of nights without enough time to sleep... :-( Furthermore I started to log time I'm working on lab. So in the end I will now how much is time to get best mark on programming. I'm still trying to deploy core of rational organization into my processes.

Moreover I've found, that don't like Perl enough to continue to study it. I think I'll take a break on this now. May be I will return to Perl very soon, or may be not... The next I'll try to read web-book about data structures. I think it will be useful. And the next book in my list is "Code Complete" by Steve McConnel. And after that there are some books from Tannenbaum and other authors which I plan to read.

To add more, now I'm reading book about money and becoming richer and less dependent on others. To make your money grow and work for you, you should invest them in actives not passives, what most people do. What is actives? This is something, that is profitable, eg. shares, bonds, bills, real estate and intellectual property. If you invest your time and money into them, your actives and profits are growing, but if you invest in passives, grow your expenses and passives, which isn't good.

So find actives and invest you into them.

Two articles

I've read some articles on being proactive person:

• Get out of the information technology reactionary rut

• Strategic thinking is the key to proactive management

And the idea I get from one of this is that may be useful for my struggle with time arrangement. It is that for success you should have strategic thinking. It includes that long-term duties are more important than daily routine, so it will be good for me to spend some time actively working on my time-table. It is hard to live by the time-table for me, but I think it is possible, this the question of time and habit. So may be today I'll try to make something with my affairs?

Ha, this is question for me, not to others, but... Do you try to have a plan of your affairs? No, I don't mean full time-table for every minute, but a list of main goals and deadlines for them? I still haven't... But may be this is a good time to make it for me? And may be it is good time for you, if you also don't have it?

Know what you want, and when you want it to be done. I think it's a good phrase.